Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Quaalude to a kiss




From the highly coveted desk of Melanie:



And when I say coveted, I mean by

this creepy homeless guy.

Should I call him Jared?

Get this,

Jared said "I love you" to me yesterday.

Kid you not.

He blurted it out to me.

Oh the passion!

Oh the lust!

Oh the desire!

Oh the alcohol!

Oh the meth!

I wonder how many other ladies get his admiration.

I know I can't be the only lucky one.

____




Must live here.

____

I don't understand people who say

I don't cook.

huh?

So, you don't eat?

I typically dread cooking

but I get it done.

And somethings are so easy.

I make an incredibly delicious banana bread (with or without nuts and chocolate chips)

and it's so simple.

If you want the recipe give me a holler.
____


Love my morning talks with Pam!!




Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Rowing my boat


Melanie, Melanie, Melanie, Melanie

Life is but a dream.


Wrapping up yet another gruesome day at work.

I still look ridiculously nerdy

but I don't mind.

Check out my socks!


No grown ass woman should be wearing socks like these.

Reminds me of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Perfect!

___


Burning Man is at the end of this month.

I have never been.

I've just added that to my bucket list.


____

Heading out to meet the fam at the nerdy Magic shop,

Yuck.

That place smells like Teen Spirit.

____

 FOR FREE:

(this is every other Craigslist ad)

IKEA something

Like new

Only 9 years old!

In good condition just a little wobbly here and there

and the bottom drawer is a little warped

Nothing major

In need of some extra support

nothing a handy person couldn't fix

I would do it, but

I'm just too busy

Heavy piece

You need to carry it down 12 flights of stairs

Bring a friend to help

Since I won't be able to lift it

My loss is your gain

Hurry before it gets snatched up




Nerd Alert





From the nerdy desk of Melanie:


I'm channeling Amy today.

(man, I love her!!!)

Slouchy gray cardigan, knee length skirt, striped knee socks, Mary Janes, glasses (in my hand)



I'm posing as a librarian.

Now keep it down.

____


Lovely:

A good hearty laugh
A friendly cat
A big shady tree
A fizzy drink
A crawling ladybug

___

Another couple bites the dust.

I know them-

not super well

but enough to know he is a world class tool

and she is way too charming for him.

I think I should reach out to her and send her a congratulations card.

Congrats to coming to your senses.

Now let's hang out woman and celebrate!

Hee hee

Wait, does that make me a tool?

_____


Hmmm...subtle glitter.

It doesn't go with my sensible librarian look but perhaps another time.

Okay-lets make it, definitely another time.

.


___





Monday, August 3, 2015

Minimal havoc

A little disruption from time to time is okay I hope.

Shakes things up a bit.

Makes you feel alive-

A little nervous maybe?

I recommend just enough unpredictability to push anyone of their comfort zone

without collapsing the castle walls.

Not that you should do anything drastic (no need for Humpty Dumptying)

but I think it is okay to challenge the day to day before it becomes the dreaded year to year.

For me it starts with

What if?

and

Why not?


What about you?






No More No Less



From the mediocre desk of Melanie:


Mondays are universally hard

unless of course you live in the Amazon jungle.

Everyday may feel like a Monday--or a Saturday?

_____

Just going to ramble on since I'm struggling with the Sunday hangover feeling*.

(*Note "feeling"--I'm not intoxicated by any means)

Mondays are my "this is as good as it gets" day.

Slap on some clothes (dress, boots and jacket).

Slap on some make-up and perfume,

my to-go jewelry (ring, watch and cuff)

and just hope I blend in and make it through the day.

Should probably do something about this hair,

but I can't be bothered.

It's clean so that's as good as it gets.

___


Stay fun.

Stay funny.

Stay sweet.

Stay unpredictable.

Stay dependable.

Stay true.

Stay mysterious.

Stay desireable.

Stay affectionate.

Stay willing.

Stay golden.

____


Not many can pull this off--or should even try.


Natalie Dormer Shaved Her Hair And Posed Topless For GQ. She's enchanting. The end.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Useless Observations

As a cultural anthropologist that relies heavily on Craigslist for obtaining data, here are some of my astute observations:

People don't want or need desks anymore.
Who sits at a desk and handwrites a letter? You have a laptop and you email in bed. You need to do homework, you are at the kitchen table. You need to write out some checks, you are doing it on the couch during commercial break. The desk only serves one purpose--to collect dust and be a dumping ground for papers and miscellaneous paraphernalia. No one wants to be trapped behind a box anymore--we do that at school and work all day long.

People don't want overstuffed leather couches. In the 80's the cushier the better. That phase is long over.  All that leather flab is just an eyesore now.

No one upholsters. People might acquire a piece with "good bones", but once they realize how expensive it is to have something reupholstered, it's bye bye chair. If anything is stained or ripped, it's time to take it to the dump.

Halogen lamps suck. No one wants them. Yes, the 80's are over. Add those hideous lamps with your leather ass swallower.

VCR tapes: no one owns a VCR player and no one likes to rewind.

Microfiber couches are just not as foolproof as we thought. Stain resistant my ass.

Empty pasta sauce jars are often saved and washed, but rarely reused. We need to let them go.

Scrap metal is for losers. Don't bother saving it. You will never drag your ass and your tetanus laden metal to any recycling center. All that work and what do you get, $3.00? You have better things to do.

The Igloo dog house. Your dog didn't like it and lets face it, it's stupid looking. He wants to live inside with you and not outdoors in Tupperware.

_____







Creatively cornered

I got that urge again.

That feeling of wanting desperately to do something creative.

To paint, or collage, sew or simply bust out the hot glue gun and make a purse.

Instead I'm here at my infallible desk of boredom.

And of course by the time I get home I'm too knackered to do a thing.

_____

I totally want to order a coffee and pastry here.

Now how to get to Krakow by way of California?


krakow4