Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Blighted

So the last job I interviewed for decided to look elsewhere

I'm not good enough for them

Hmmm...

Not feeling so swell about the news

I know it's not a big deal but still.

It's a bit of a bummer

and I'm feeling a little sad about it that's all.

Sigh

Oh well, I gotta keep going--

No rest for the wicked  weary

These boots were made for walking

________

I need to enjoy this time I have as

a Free Range Melanie

before I become

Ms Von Trapped

and start brushing my hair again.

The routine of being a stay at home mama

would be so much more fun

if I didn't have the mama responsibilities

Hauling kids to and fro on a daily basis

sorta eats into my

Me time

You feel?
________

Oh dear Lord

if Trump becomes president I'm going to start binge drinking.

I heart Bern

 _______



Weeks ago...


to now.

When all else fails, stay in bed

_________

I need a jogging partner

and a sugar daddy benefactor

and I'm tired of having my body do weird things as I age.

I miss cats

and discovering

 And 

Plummeting Falling in love

with those 

the most delicious kisses

Well I thought life was all fun and games

But being a dolt an adult is no joke

_____







Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Melcontent


Damn,looking Game of Thrones old

_______

I think I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Ugh, I hate that

Who wants to be the Know-It-All/Special Snowflake?

I AM a bad partner

Shit

I hope it is not too late to change

I don't think I'm the annoying bitch, but maybe I am

Oh gosh, how terrible

So terrible

I'm sorry

_______

Trying to pipe down

the "Me" in Melanie

A restraint a day keeps the trouble away

I am not a special snowflake


________

What is a happy, well adjusted family or person?

I clearly don't know

and I don't think I know of one

I clearly bring to the table

body issues

mild case of dyscalculia (number dyslexia)

irrational fear of rodents and murky large bodies of water

trust issues

greed and lust

depression

suicidal tendencies

weird hair


What's in your bag?

_____

My politically correct children have scolded me

over and over

so no more making fun of gamers, using the word "retarded" and making

jokes about children working in sweatshops

I guess insensitive should be added to the list

_______


I would like to believe that honesty and a little dark humor

makes the world go round

but that's just the world of

Melanie

It appears I need a new perspective because clearly

it ain't working for most

ISO:

an island for one

_______

Funny how time goes by soooo quickly

and yet in such a mundane fashion

I'm clearly doing something wrong

Because if this is life

Living is so overrated

________

Must find those moments of joy

(and yes, I've been cheating on paleo--out in the open of course. I'm back on starting now)

If only life was like a cell phone commercial

A fucking phone carrier would make me jump up and dance

and I would be extremely sexy

Nice

______







Saturday, April 23, 2016

Never Good Enough

I'm venting and prattling on since it's better than SCREAMING in the evening

in this boring, domestic, incredibly vanilla and quiet HOA that I live in

Actually I am crying and feeling sad and frankly hopeless

So...what else is new?

I'm tired of being in this marriage where my spouse is always pleading for me to change into

someone I am not

The irony of course is that what he so desperately wants from me,

he doesn't always do himself

that is be all orderly and structured and prepared and all that other shit that apparently I am not

I'm so tired of this shit

If he really wants that Pottery Barn lifestyle

he should be with a Pottery Barn wife

I am sure there are plenty of Melissas or Taylors around that could fit the bill

I'm frankly tired of feeling so inadequate in my marriage

I can do that all on my own

I don't need his constant reminder

of what I lack








Friday, April 22, 2016

Good Girl


Meet the love of my life!

Ha ha

No silly-she's not mine but we found her in the middle of our country road last night

Sweetest thing ever--and so dang smart too

Hubby named her Saoirse 

But since she's so incredibly bright

I decided to call her Pepper

After the lovely Pepper Potts of course

(who else?!)

By sheer luck I was able to reunite her with her peeps this morning

Wished we had her a little longer

I miss her already

Love can be bittersweet

_______

Speaking of love...


Check out my new necklace!

It reads "Gemini"

I think I will add it to my regular ensemble

My hubby doesn't believe in astrology--

and neither would I, but for some reason

Gemini

explains a whole lot

Go figure

It was written in the stars

_______

Interview with cool creative company went well

(I think...or hope?)

I would love to be invited back for Round Three of interviews

I'm just hoping that would be the last round--

I just have so many interview appropriate dresses until

I have to dip into some of the

slightly inappropriate ones

Gemini much?

_______









Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Calm Before the Storm



Let me enjoy this moment

_______

Freshly showered

Home alone

Coffee in hand

Time to wonder, ponder, nap, read, imagine, romanticize and be creative

Don't want to take this time for granted

This quiet time is precious and inevitably fleeting

Just need to drag my ass to the gym later

Sigh

__________

Enjoying my new coffee book

For the Love of Old by Mary Randolph Carter

As a fellow creative junker, she is my hero 

One day I hope to meet her and invite her over for coffee and homemade scones

You are welcome to join too

And no, they won't be paleo

__________

Roses are blooming in my backyard

So pretty

But please try to avoid the front of my house

My hedges smells like cat pee

Can I Febreeze bushes?

Some cat marked his territory there a long time ago and it's most unwelcoming

________


My old lady hands are most unattractive

And I don't think I'm ready to be 45 quite yet

Not sure what it is

Just not accomplished enough I guess

And not living with a cat

I know I'm immature and my kids think I'm WEIRD

Oh well

Like Popeye said

"I yam what I yam"

Is that a cop out because I'm too stubborn to change?

I think I'm going to grow my hair long again until I can't stand it

I shouldn't encourage unruliness but hey, it's the Popeye in me

Maybe it would be too reckless to get my tongue pierced?

I'm already a bad enough influence on my kids

And daughter is growing up fast, especially since she's inherited some of our ummm...assets

Don't know

Wish my hubby had more of my hippie-ish attitude about life

I know I don't always give off the best first impression

I get it

I don't dress the part

and I'm usually not concealing myself well

Do I look whoreable?

I don't think quirky artsy types fly with the upper echelon

Too old to be this way?

My poor man

Sometimes I embarrass him by the things I say

Honest and funny doesn't sit well with some

And I'll be damned if I have to look like a soccer mom

I may have the minivan but I'm 

Still banning pants and tennis shoes

________


When I grow old and look back at my life

I hope I will be pleased by 

what I have seen, done, and loved

Would be a pity if all I had was a linen closet of nicely folded sheets

and a box of Fiber One

Still too young to say

Life is too short

but I'm smart enough to know

No risk, no glory

__________











Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Hola Chola


You feel me?

______

I'm looking a bit Chola-lite today
and showing off my NorCal pride

Can't help it
Dub Nation rules

SF Giants a bit topsy turvy but the season is young
We are due for another World Series win
Every other year sweet thang

________

Still on paleo
(but I have had a few forbidden bites)

Interviewing

Stressing over summer

Driving Miss Daisy

Scoffing at some of the stuff I read on Facebook
(pity much?)

and 

counting down to daughter's birthday 

and 

MINE!

(Still alive and kicking)

______

Been listening to some of my old music in the car.

If you want to kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel
On your knees boy!


Achtung Baby is still so awesome...

__________


Remember Mazzy Star?
She's my original shoe gazer songstress

Fade Into You
I think it' strange you never knew

Still pretty after all these years
Enjoy:


Saturday, April 16, 2016

Self Absorbedable


Sorry, I'm a little spent

________

Been laying low

Vacationed in the coastal town of Mendocino

(lovely)

and stayed at a so-called eco-vegan resort

(I wouldn't call it a resort, but I did have a nice massage)

Vegan food is pretty meh

Hubby and I got along except for the coming and going

(long car rides=long conversations...hmmm....joy to my world)

Now I'm back to a disorganized life

anxious man

job interviews

and frantic summer camp/birthday planning

Can you say

 FUCK ME?

_________

One nice thing about being in these quaint towns with townies way out there

is that no one really has money

or cares too much about appearances

I wasn't feeling shitty about my clothes, body, looks, etc.

No Lululemon types and glamamazons

It's refreshing to walk out and simply BE

Proud I didn't cheat too badly on my paleo diet

but I did treat myself to a grilled cheese that last day in town.

Well--back to reality

Need a new job and yeah, I'm going to feel shitty being around skinny chicks

so it's back to the gym for me

________

PURGE PURGE PURGE

Just want all this shit out

NOW

__________