Wow, you had big thighs even back then!
Geez, wait until you see yourself after baby #2.
Tragic, simply tragic...
So former self
this is my last letter to you.
If only I had something great to tell you.
Oh, wait, your kids are amazing
Oh you'll be in Dwell magazine
your big (and little) claim to fame.
That's fun news to share with you
Overall you're still a big work in progress.
I wish I had better news.
Sadly I do not.
You need to talk less.