Monday, July 27, 2015

Damn Straight

From the lacklustful desk of Melanie:

Hey I brushed my hair today.

Maybe it will stay neat?

It tends to get all crazy and unruly very easily.


Am I talking about my hair, or me?


Does it matter?


Bad idea: 

Drive-in double feature on a school night.

Ant Man followed by Inside Out.

I snoozed off during Inside Out which is too bad.

Moral of the story:

Grandma can't stay out past midnight.


I am reading "Trout Fishing in America" by Richard Brautigan.

After a heady book about the OED, something kooky like this is perfect.

Odd little book I found at the recycling center with yellowing fragile pages.

Written in 1967.

Amusing observations about America.

Love the fact that the chapters are so short.

Helps with my short attention span.

The poor person's grave chapter was a hoot.

I would love to fish, but fuck I hate waking up early.

Thus I would bomb as a fisherman.

Oh well...

Onward forward.

And God Bless America.

Would it be sick to name my cafe

"Feed Us" and have a hungry fetus as a logo?

Just a thought.


Saturday, July 25, 2015

Relevant Lists


The quiet and sense of calm I am enjoying now. (Make that WAS.)

The book I am reading*: The Professor and the Madman - a Tale of murder, insanity and the making of the Oxford English Dictionary. It's a little heady, and I should be circling all the words I do not know (which is plenty), but I am loving the rich history of how the OED was born. Wow, a 70 year endeavor! Wow!!!


Not love:

Feeling itchy

Long tedious explanations (despite my personality I am not a complete dolt you MF!)

This saggy couch (an upgrade is long overdue- now where to find the funds??? Hmmmm....)

Writing a post via iPhone. (So not fun or easy)

Work (must leave that ungodly place FAST!!!)


 Just a quick rant on work:

Fucking hate that place!!!!

(Note all the exclamation marks.)

Dead serious.

Equivalent of a modern day Jonestown.

I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid bitches.

Just need to get an escape route in place.

Can't leave J town and end up in Shanty Town.



Quick rant about this person:

Being around you just makes me sigh.

And NOT in a loving way.


Enough said.


Friday, July 24, 2015

My Aim is true

From the downtrodden desk of Melanie

Fuck it.

It's a Friday.

Perfect for my preferred Elvis:

Oh it's so funny to be seeing you after so long, girl.
And with the way you look I understand
that you are not impressed.
But I heard you let that little friend of mine
take off your party dress.
I'm not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
'cause I don't know if you've been loving somebody.
I only know it isn't mine.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.

Well I see you've got a husband now.
Did he leave your pretty fingers lying
in the wedding cake?
You used to hold him right in your hand.
I'll bet he took all he could take.
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
I think somebody better put out the big light,
cause I can't stand to see you this way.

Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.
My aim is true.


Not in the mood to "cook-cook" so it's gonna be a BLT for the boy and a tuna melt for the girl

and a God forsaken salad.

Dessert is whatever they can muster to bake

because Momma will be checked out once those are done.


Sometime in my lifetime, I'm going to live in a magical woodland wonderland.

I KNOW it!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Everyday I'm Hustling

Funny, how the concept of a "happy ending" has changed from the ultimate "dream come true"-

marriage and moving into a castle

into a 10 minute transaction in a skanky massage parlor.

Oh well, to each their own perv.


If Snow White was alive today, I'm going to guess these would be her seven likely pals*:

2. Sleazy
3. Manic Depressive
4. Passive
5. Obese
6. Neurotic
7. Compulsive

*by the way Snow, it's politically incorrect to call them "dwarves"--I believe Little People is the fashionable term.


I'm busy hustling and doing my job and despite being surrounded by various markers and glue sticks,

 I'm not huffing in a plastic bag underneath my desk. 

So a pat on the ass for me.



Daughter has such a beautiful voice. Enjoy her live "Amsterdam" video:

Always love seeing young people play classical instruments.

Also I hope you like Dustin Tebbutt's "The Breach"

Nice indie music.

Amuse Bouche

From the mildly sweet but rancorous desk of Melanie:

As I'm shoving a banana into my mouth (breakfast) and drinking my so-so tasting coffee (fuel), I'm wondering just how productive I will be today.

The work is piling up and although it pains me to tackle it, I gotta put on my big girl pants.


(I hate pants.)


Just watched a good documentary

"Packed in a Trunk"

I always enjoy a good movie about artists.

Nice story and a happyish ending.


Pam-my sweet carpooler lady friend:

the-Mom-jeans-sensible-shoes-wearing-curling-iron- pal shared with me a delightful story.

Years ago, her neighbor invited her and her then young daughter to a free concert.

They said sure.

Pam: "Do you know the band Korn?"

Me: "Oh Holy crap..."

Pam: "Oh the music was terrible. I should have known. Her son wears black all the time. And the opening act was Zombie."

Me: "You mean Rob Zombie? Oh my God!!!"

What a crazy image.

Talk about a juxtaposition.

Betty Crocker meets Hardcore for a blind date.

As for me,

Lets just say Dragula is hot fun.


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Craft this

From the Miss Shapened desk of Melanie:

The leather bracelet combats the girlie lace dress.


It's a bit sad that what was suppose to be an arts and crafts blog ("Crafty Melmade?") 

has steadily become an online bitchfest of a diary.

Oh for the love of humanity!

I seriously don't have a damn worthwhile thing to share.

 I should at least change the name of this blog. 

I might as well be honest about that.

Now the question is, what to call it?

What can emote randomness?


Minor monstrosities?

Peppered Posts?

All things Melanie?

What can convey my idiosyncrasies in these mumbled jumbled posts?


Still a work in progress.

Hopefully it will come to me.


Craptastic Poem of the day!

If sex sells I'm
Buying it.
If infomercials inform
I'm trying it.
If it's buy now save later
I'm stockpiling.
If it's hurry and act now
I'm speed dialing.
If loan sharks are willing to lend
This gal is chumming to spend

The End!


I love this Alt-J song but this brings it to another level.

So cool boys, so cool...

Who knew...

Tuttering--the art of finger dexterity

Must practice so I can join the crew!

And who says you can't teach an old gal new tricks?

Love my new Korean perfume.

I have the blue bunny stick and I smell so...

fresh and pretty.

Packaging is too cute.

Best thing I bought in Urban Outfitters in years.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015


From the recalcitrant desk of Melanie:

Hello lover.

(My first cup of coffee with mandatory straw).


Trying to lay low and not make waves.

Just play along like a good girl until jailbreak.

Desperate times people.

Oh so desperate.


I could really enjoy a good movie right about now.

Cool, dark, quiet, empty theater

Buttery popcorn (choking hazard)

Large Coke

2.5 hours of escapism

Sounds nice.