Wednesday, December 7, 2016

T for me


Channeling Mr. T

Need all the strength I can get.

_______

I wouldn't stay I'm cursed

but luck is not on my side.

Can't seem to land a job (yet)

and worse

can't seem to get out of the dog house.

My God

twenty years of marriage

and I still can't get it right.


Should have gotten this Brandy Melville shirt after all...

_________

I'm taking a break from Trump and all his nonsense.

I'm in denial I guess.

He's going to do a number on this country

(a number 2-ha!)

but my priorities are elsewhere.

Christmas is after all right around the corner

and I'm going to be in consumer hell.

I can only take one Satan at a time!

_______



Monday, November 28, 2016

Rockridge rocks my world



Back from the gym
and
Back into the dog house

(don't ask)

__________

I find it really perplexing how I can be so bothersome to 

my husband and kids.

I seriously was meant to be a loner.

Allergic to all forms of meaningful relationships.

_________



Rockridge is an awesome neighborhood in Oakland and it is hands down my favorite East Bay city.

I want to move in there and live in one of those gorgeous Mission-style homes with those cool porches and stained glass windows and watch my Japanese maple leaf tree change colors with the seasons.

I want to enjoy a brisk walk to that fancy chocolate shop and pick up a book at Pegasus Books.

I then want to hit a yoga class and meet up with friends at the zen meditation center.

Sounds magical.

Now where can I find 2.6 million dollars to afford a home in Rockridge?

Definitely need magic for that.

_________

Enjoying my brew with my favorite mug.*


Most of the Edward Gorey design has faded away

but 

Mystery!

in red lives on.


*purchased years ago for 25 cents at an estate sale!


Saturday, November 26, 2016

Stuffed

I am feeling stuffed in more ways than one.

Yes, I am stuffed from overeating (ugh) but I'm also feeling stuffed by stuff.

I recently read this article and now everything around me feels oppressive:

http://www.thisisinsider.com/inside-japans-extremely-minimalist-homes-2016-6

What is it about stuff that makes me panic?

Do you have this issue, or am I just cray on my own?

In one way I'm a happy-go-lucky dumpster diving evangelist and then within 48 hours I'm lamenting about my collections and filling up grocery bags of stuff to donate.

This sort of madness is making me go mad.

Like the Clash I'm singing

Should I stay or should I go?

Really need to get my head checked.

PS: You are not cray cray.

________

The holiday season is upon us and I'm bracing myself for the insanity of it all.

Happy Consumerism one and all.

Times like these I'm thinking those tiny house believers got it right.

All that stress and shopping

in the name of Baby Jesus?

I think not.

_________

I am enjoying my coffee and trying not to stress out about the laundry I need to do.

I am very thankful for my super deluxe washer and dryer.

I would be even more thankful if I wasn't the only person using it.

________

My workout at the gym was great.

I may have been close to getting runner' high.

Of course once I got home I polished off a slice of crack pie which is making me feel gross.

I don't ever seem to learn, do I?

Bad to the bone :(

_________

My adrenaline junkie husband is hating our sedentary lifestyle and wants ME
to plan more adventures.

Thank God marijuana is legal in the state of California.



Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Thanks



I woke up to nice hair.

Thank you nice bed head.

__________



Lookie here

It's Melania and Donald Trumppet!

(Hoping to attach baby doll hands soon)

___________

Gotta do a lot more food shopping

and arm wrestle the crowds for groceries.

Gonna make Crack pie again

so need to find milk powder.

My kids love crack!

____________

XO to you all

Hope you have a delightful Thanksgiving!!!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

If I Could Turn Back Time



Damn straight I'm quoting Cher.

_______

So I'm back on the job hunting wagon like a hungry cowgirl lassoing a runaway bull
(You are correct--my analogy makes zero sense!)
I've got an in-person interview tomorrow and more calls lined up.
The Bay Fucking Area is so saturated right now with talent that 
every Tom, Dick and Raji has a Masters Degree.
Oh vey I'm in trouble!


My husband is really pushing I make myself more relevant with the times
 which includes a better style and losing a shit ton of weight.

Sigh.

Oh well.
Good thing I didn't tell him I finally donated my 
Victoria Secret garter belt.
That thing had its fun in it's hey day
but 20 something I am not.
And it was an XS for crying out loud
Fuck that!

_______

Been busy being a Robotics Tournament mom
and geeking out with the boy crew

I'm not expecting first, second or third place
but somewhere in the top ten would be nice.

We are after all a rookie team
and 
no is fortunate enough to have a tiger mom.

;(

________

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

My better self


No craptastic headshot of me today-

Instead it is my adorable secret hobbit hole room!

Chock full of my art and knicky-knacks.

Super cute, right?

________


Since the election, folks have been self medicating

with all forms of entertainment

(we went to a comedy show to see Dana Gould---fantastic!)

I, being a budding entrepreneur 

will be capitalizing on this phenom.

May I present to you

Fisting the Donald!

A sock puppet satire!

It's a one woman show and

 I will be performing with an orange sock named Donald.

It's a tragic comedy

and not a love story.

_______


Job hunting in the SF Bay Area

fucking SUCKS.

I, being an old hag am competing with hipsters

that can make $70K and be cool with it.

You fucking hipsters!

Own a car and see how far that $70K takes you.

________

Douchebag
Scumbag
Dirtbag

Why all the hate on bags?

I prefer hating on pails...

_______



Friday, November 11, 2016

Waiting for Last Call


Business as usual

In other words,

not looking so good.

:(
________

Something happened last night.

Apparently my hubby got into a fight.

His comment to me at midnight:

Is there a lump here?

Wished I could offer some details

but my man ain't talking.

All I got out of him is

Didn't start the fight but I finished it.

Morbid curiosity wants to know what took place in this shit storm 

but with my temperament,

probably best I don't know...

__________

Please retire:


Pivot

Disruptive

turn key

think/do/act different

_____


Saw my cat friend Emerson Smith and give him a bit of cheese.

He appreciates me

and knows who is his

Sugar Mama

_______

It's amazing how clean my house looked yesterday

and today looks like squatters have taken camp.

Must be magic.

Too bad my flying broom is on backorder.

Just have a clunky vacuum.

Sucks...