Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Money for Nothing and Chicks for Free


I must convince myself that I'm

In my prime 

In my prime

So back away from my man bitches

________


One benefit of working out is an increase in testosterone.

So after a hour long public workout,

guess who wants an hour of a ummm...private workout?

Who knew?

I mean if you think about it, it's so similar.

Grunting, sweating, aching, cussing, pulling a muscle followed by a much needed shower.

The flipside of course is that if my man isn't around after a long workout 

Guess who is cruising and looking for trouble?

#Dangeroussoremuscles

_____


I should ask all of my potential passengers 

Sugar, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your savior?

It's nice to know these things before I drive anyone off a cliff.

______


Enjoyed the latest Star Trek movie

It was fun and nothing too meaningful

A good summer movie and a whole lot of air-conditioning.

Yee ha for regular and kettlecorn popcorn!

________

It is too hot to cook

If I make kids sammies and salads does that make me a failblog of a mom?

Damn

Thought so...


______




Tuesday, July 26, 2016

All for fun


Sun kissed in Cali

Jealous?
_____


If you are disturbed, then you create disturbances
If you appear, you make appearances
If you have rabies, you are rabid.
So if you have many secrets, don't you ooze secretions?

Just something to consider.

I know I do.

______

I love to fuck

with people's imagination


My body can't and won't stop

breathing

______

Tried my hand at benchpressing

and

I'm good for 45 pounds

and not a lick more.

Damn straight

I'm a weak bastard.



Monday, July 25, 2016

Bittersweet Endings


In search of my evil twin.

Also rocking the eyeglasses.

I actually wear mine all the time because my vision is craptastic

 but they bring my confidence level down.


Could Janeane Garofalo and I be twinsies?

Maybe in spirit?

_______

 Life isn't a movie but if it was,

I vote for Lost in Translation.

The ending is my favorite.

Love is fleeting so why not make it incredibly

memorable

romantic

and

bittersweet?

(Ah the longing...big girly sigh)

Enjoy:


______

Yesterday

me and the hubby got talking about dating other people if we weren't together...

what kind of person we would be with...blah blah blah.

For hubby we determined it's someone completely opposite of me

most likely an A type female that does crossfit and is super healthy

and all the other WONDERFUL qualities that I lack.

And when he asked me 

who I thought I could end up with,

I was like maybe someone older possibly in business?

(Hello Silver Fox!)

and he was like really???

Because business guys want Alpha females and I'm not.

Okay...

and businessmen would play me dirty.

They might date you but they will never marry you.

Not that I want to marry again, but

Ouch.

That stung a bit.

Not sure why that made me feel like a dirtbag

but dang...

And then his next response was

I see you with someone in non-profit, hippy guy like XXXX.

XXXX is a friend of his 

who is a COMPLETE stoner

and has low ambition

and pretty much broke ass.

(and he wasn't joking either)

Jeez nice hon.

Okay so note to self:

Never let hubby play matchmaker

and

Don't ask him hypothetical questions.

For reals...

_______

So I've been going to the gym a lot more now

although I have very little to show for it.

It's more about maintenance and not about improvement at this time.

shucks

Luckily I think I'm doing better than most in my age bracket.

(I was at the beach yesterday and saw mostly middle age plus and double plus size gals.)

I know it's really an optical illusion.

I'm still packing on too much.

It's just that other people let themselves go waaaaaaaay too much.

_______




Friday, July 22, 2016

Fiendish



Friend or Foe?

I think I look friendly here.

All happy smiles and somewhat neat looking hair.

So mommy-like, right?

I appear kindly approachable, do I not?

That's all that matters.

The diabolical freak lives on the inside.

______


Man, it is H-O-T

No, let me take that back...

HOT is East Coast must have AC hot or I am going to DIE hot!!!!

Hot here is:

I'm shiny and moist (ugh)

but I can keep my clothes on.

You should thank God for this kind of heat.

_______


Am reading Kat Von D's High Voltage book

because I love that girl so much.

She is so creative and I am glad she is sober now.

It almost makes me want to get inked

but non-committal me wonders

what do I love more than me?

Ha ha

I think the Gemini twins on my shoulder would be awfully cute.


Like the mudflap girls, but only better...


Love that they are holding hands!!!

Hmmm....

This might be a winner...

________

Bucket List:



Must get body jewelry.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Proud to be a woman

Damn straight!




Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Better Than Waterworld



Ooh, aren't you mighty fine?

My crafty junker self is salivating!!!

________


Am battling my hair again.

Esh.

Just crazy and all over the place.

Sexy bedhead (ya!) and then dreadlock city if I keep the windows rolled down (boo!)

Trying not to fall for the pixie cut.

Don't believe the hype!

Don't believe the hype!

It's a royal pain in the ass, but

damn

it's super cute.



Must be more creative:


image courtesy of Pinterest




and less sloppy.

_______

When I grow up...

I want a Jamaican accent

and have flat enough abs for a belly button stud

and two very successful children 

so I can move to the beach

and 

live in some adorable wooden cottage and

not give a flying fuck.

YES!

I'm also would like to become a morning person and 

not hit snooze 43 times

and become friends with 

Lisa Bonet

because something tells me she throws

killer parties.

When you grow up

what is in your cards?

Whatever it is

may you be 

happy

healthy

safe

and

LOADED.

YA!

XOXO









Spreading it like creamy peanut butter


Photo courtesy of Moon to Moon 

_________________


I am trying to spread joy in my pjs.

So smile and know you are loved.

_______

Been visiting the library and it has been fun.

Love books so much.

I can spend hours pouring through gorgeous books

sitting in the aisle floor

knees propped tight (cuz I'm always wearing a skirt)

and reading, reading, reading

and enjoying looking at the beautiful images of

coffee table books.

I would say it is free

but I've got a few overdue fines.

________


Interviewing has changed a lot now.

First comes the online application

then the initial phone call

then the in-person interview

followed by two or three more interviews.

Followed by peeing in a cup for those eager types.

Seriously, what next?

A biopsy?

Just take it from a flabby chubby part, okay?

Win-win for all!

Wish me luck, another call in 15 minutes...

_______

Going to start a painting today

Can't wait!

XOXO
Me



Tuesday, July 19, 2016

A Whole Lot of Nothing


At least my hair looks good.

_______

Worked out like a champ!

Of course it's a little too little and a little too late

for this fat chick.

Damn.

Pitiful.

I know.

I'm looking 45 and older...

______

One day...

I shall live in a house boat

or a tree house

and have some awesome pets

like a wombat named

Chuck

and a Chow Chow named

Afrodite

and I'll have my own persimmons and fig trees

and I'll look great naked

and I'll drive a badass car

that parallel parks itself

and I'll scoff at all those haters

and I'll live happily ever after.

Wanna join me?

_______

Um, hubby proposed a no TV for this week rule

and I have to say

1. I did not cheat but
2. This sort of sucks because
3. I'm home alone and
4. I could be watching ANY show I want to without a lot of hassle.

Hope hubby is happy (HA!)

_______

So back to my marriage...

Oh Jesus

September 27, 2017

20 year anniversary and we are going to pop THE big question...

Is this shit working out for us?

Not sure what the outcome is

because when I think things are going swell

Mr. Hubby has to lay on me and on and on goes the

waah-waah list

if you know what I mean.

I'm already a spazzy enough person

I just want someone 

MELLOW.

Or just a cat.

Still for someone to put up with me for 20 years, well

maybe he deserves 20 more.

And that is what you call

Just Desserts.
______